Hate You, Love You
by Yami no Majou077
Summary: She has hundred or even thousand reasons to hate him, but the only reason is because she loves him.


**Theme song: Opus **by Rurutia

Hamuko excitedly put on the earphone and clicked the MP3 Player on. Recently she had downloaded a song, and she could tell she's falling in love with it for the first time she heard it.

She wasn't expected that would come to her.

She picked up the phone, pulling the earphone off and answered the call. It wasn't from anyone she knew, but she had to answer it.

"Hello, Hamuko speaking here."

"_I'm glad you pick up the phone. My name is Kirijo Mitsuru."_

Kirijo Mitsuru? Her back tensed up. It was the owner of the Gekkoukan high he's attending! But why such a person would give her a call in the night time?

"_I see you're a close friend of Yuki Makoto, and hereby I wish…"_ She paused for a moment. Hamuko swore she heard sobbing on the other side of phone.

For a second, she had a bad feeling.

"…W-What is it…?" Her voice trembled unconsciously.

"…_I would like to invite you to attend his funeral, two day after this." _

The earphone dropped to the floor. Hamuko completely went blinked.

Funeral? What funeral? Whose funeral?

"W-What are you talking about…?"

"_I know it's difficult for you…Yuki Makoto was dead."_

Makoto was dead…?

"That's…ridiculous!"

How the hell Makoto was dead? He just called her past two days ago! And he's…

"…_I'm sorry."_

_**Passage of keyboard, I can hear the voice riding on the wind**_

_**Room dyed in color of sunset, a dry orange color**_

_**Meaningless word spilling over, repeated again and again**_

_**I'm waiting for the time when I can pick up your smile**_

* * *

The clouds were thick on the sky, as if her heart, covered by a thick shade of sadness.

Although she felt ridiculous, she attended the funeral too.

She thought it was a lie, that she would see him reprimanded her because of believing the stupid joke.

But no.

She saw him laid inside the coffin, peacefully and tranquilly. She stroked his bang, calling for his name.

But no. He's not waking up.

_**Clouds are burning cruelly**_

The funeral's going peacefully yet sadly. A lot of people attended, including his dorm mates, friends and teachers.

She watched them silently, eyes wet, but couldn't cry out.

He was mute, rarely talked, even to her. For the times they spent together, it was her who talked most of the times. Sometimes he called her noisy. He rarely made friends due to his nature, and she could tell she was his only friend.

She was proud of it, for once.

But…since when this had changed?

Since when she could only hear his voice through the phone? Since when she missed him so much at night until she cried for his name, but he wasn't there for her? Since when he made new friends in the place she wasn't? Since when everything turned the other way round?

She couldn't spare a tear, not a single.

His dead didn't seem real at all, to her.

If this was a dream, could someone wake her up? She's enough with this, and desperately wanted get the hell out of here.

"I'm glad you came."

The redhead, Kirijo Mitsuru approached her by walking to her side.

"…I have to meet him…for the last time." Her voice was calmed, calmer than she could imagine.

"I'm sorry for what you're going through…we're the same here." Mitsuru guided her to the direction of his friends. Girls were crying badly, and the boys tried to hold back the sadness.

"Tell me…what happened to him? Why must he die?"

"…"

Mitsuru didn't answer, or more correctly, she couldn't answer. The doctor couldn't clarify the reason of his death. He's as if sleeping, but in fact, he's dead. She knew this had something to do with the last battle with Nyx, but Mitsuru couldn't simply tell Hamuko about this.

_**Hey, sinking sky is way too beautiful**_

_**It's too bright on my eyes**_

_**So I close my window, don't show me anything**_

_**I don't care if tomorrow never come**_

Her silence irritated Hamuko more.

She took a deep breath, holding back the yell and frustrated.

Please…just put an end to this. She had enough of it. Her throat was so tight she couldn't breath. Her eyes were wet she couldn't cry. If she cried out, perhaps all of this would end? Perhaps her sadness would wash away?

Could someone tell her?

"…Never mind. Forget about it." She said coldly, and she could see a hint of sadness went across Mitsuru's face. But she couldn't care. She wouldn't care - how the hell Mitsuru was thinking.

"…I'm sorry. This is all I can say."

Hamuko nodded, not bothered to look at her now. In the background, everyone was crying. And here, she was coldly watched the grave, like cold-blooded.

"…Can I go back?"

"Please wait. There is something I need to show you."

Hamuko furrowed her brows, shooting Mitsuru an irritated glare.

"Please come with me. It's…related to Makoto."

* * *

_**It's better if someone who took you away from me crumbling down like glasses**_

_**There's no need for a flower that withered as bud to dream**_

_**It doesn't even need to bloom**_

"This is…"

"Makoto's room." Mitsuru said, revealing the room with no one lese, but his glass-like fragrance. "This dorm is going to shut down soon. So…if possible, I want to show to you, for the one last time."

His room.

It's plain and boring room, but she could see his pattern from it.

His room was always like this, as far as she could remember.

Mitsuru left the room, letting her to have her last moment with him. She watched her walked out of the room, and appreciated for her kindness.

Perhaps, she would thank her later.

She walked to the study desk, finding the MP3 Player resting on top of it together with the earphone. The table was lined up with several CD albums from different singers and bands. Some of them were her favorite. Some were new to her.

She took down her own red colored MP3 Player, putting together with his blue colored MP3 Player. They bought these together before he came to Tatsumi Port Island. They used to share music and songs together and discussed and argued about the favorite singers and bands. It was so happy back then.

He could be mute, but he liked to share songs with her. She was in love with music and songs partly because of Makoto.

But he would not share with her again. He would not argue with her again. They would not talk about music and songs again.

_**Floating illusion of pale moon in fleeting form**_

_**Soon, everything will be buried under the blue smoke**_

She sat on the bed, lying down. His glass-like fragrance filled her senses for a moment. She saw something under the pillow and, out of curiosity, she took it out.

It was a photo with a boy and a girl. The girl smiled so brightly it could melt everything in the world, while the boy was emotionless it could froze everything.

It was Makoto and her, in childhood.

He still kept it with him. She choked out a small cry, eyes filled with water again.

Strangely, now the tears started to gather, and it would roll down at any moment.

She could finally spare tears.

It meant she accepted his death, but she refused to. She didn't want to admit it. She didn't want to think it was real.

_**I hope the end will never come**_

She felt something rough behind the photo. Turning it around, she found writing on it, and she recognized some of them.

It was lyrics, of a song.

_**Hey, please listen for my last selfish wish, with your heart that I loved**_

_**If you hate me and never forgive me for engraving pain on you**_

_**My one and only love for you can no longer heal you**_

_**So hate me and never forgive me for engraving eternal pain on you**_

Tears rolled down like a broken tab, non-stop, as if telling how much she missed him for days.

Hated him? Could she do that? For what she hated him?

The one she hated was her, herself. It was her telling him to attend Gekkoukan High when he received scholarship. It was her telling him she would be alright, but in fact she completely wasn't. It was her telling him to change and made more friends. It was all her.

But in fact, she was scared. She scared if she would be the one to be left out by him. She scared if he would never come back to her.

She wanted Makoto to change, but the other part of her wanted him to stay still.

Because she was scared.

"…Makoto…!"

She couldn't even stay by his side during his last moment. She had to rely on the others to inform about his death. She hated his dorm mates and friends, that they're there for him while she wasn't. She should be the one to be there for him instead!

But she wasn't – she couldn't.

"…What should I do…?"

So he's dead. Truly dead. He was buried under the grave, forever rested in peace. But what about her? Where could she find peace – who she could ask from?

"Tell me…Makoto…"

* * *

She lay on something, something soft and warmed. A hand gently stroked her hair and touched her cheek. Her body trembled, in fear and excitement, as she recognized it. How long it has been he touched her like this?

Makoto…

Opening her eyes, she met his face. A soft smile spread across his face. Tears rolled down again.

He's humming, a rhythm she knew, the same song she's listened to on the day she received the terrible news.

She tried to reach her hand to him, but failed. Her body refused to move, voice couldn't out. For a moment, fear consumed her from inside. She screamed in heart, struggled to free her body.

She desperately wanted to feel him on hands, telling him how much she missed him.

"…Stay still and listen to me, will you? My time isn't allowing me to stay here longer than it should be." He stopped humming, eyes looked down to her.

Makoto…! She bit her bottom lip, nodded.

"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry." His silver orbs filled with sadness. "I'm sorry I never told you what had happened during my time in Tatsumi Port Island, or my reason to leave."

"You always stay with me while the others treated me as weirdo. You didn't care about my background, and even I always muted, you tried to help me to open up to the others. The years you stayed with me were the happiest times I have ever spent."

"It's my selfishness to hope you would forever stay with me. But I shouldn't. We both have our life to spend. So I accept the scholarship to leave, thinking you would be alright."

No…it's not like that…

She told him to go because she wanted him to live with his own will. If it was his decision to leave, she wouldn't stop him. She wanted him to stay happy.

Or so she thought.

She thought it was the best she could do for him, and yet now, it didn't seem to be.

She wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault. She wanted to hug him, embraced him forever, wiping the sadness off his face.

"Makoto, it's almost time."

A black haired boy with yellow scarf said behind them.

"…One more minutes, please."

"Be quick." The boy turned to his back, leaving us alone.

"Please, listen to my one last willful request." He leaned forward to her, closing the gap in between them. "Please hate me. Hating me for whatever reason you could have found."

"Hamuko, you're the reason I chose this path, and I'm not regret of my decision. So please, live your life through the end, and I will forever live in you."

Hate me, he added at the end.

Before he went, he left a kiss on her lips. Such sad and heart-wrenching kiss, the first kiss he gave her, but also the last kiss he left for her.

She watched him walked to the light path together with the scarf wearing boy. She cried for his name, and then she fell deep into darkness.

* * *

The next day, she took a round in Tatsumi Port Island, to where his paces had left, accompanied by his friends.

This was the first time she had a clear picture of what kind of this place was, what kind of place he had lived.

Biding his friends farewell, Hamuko walked to the station, giving one last glance to the town.

She's kind of sure that she wouldn't come back to this place again, this sadness and memories filled place.

Looking to the old photo on hand, she let out a smile.

"Makoto, I hate you for not telling me the reason you must leave. I hate you for not telling there's a delicious ramen shop here. I hate you for not telling there's a nice CD shop over here and I completely have no idea about it. I hate you, really hate you."

"But please remember, I could have hated you for hundred or even thousand reasons. But the only reason I hate you it's because I love you."

"And don't worry about me...I will live my life to the fullest."

_**Hey, please listen for my last selfish wish, with your heart that I loved**_

_**If you hate me and never forgive me for engraving pain on you**_

_**My one and only love for you can no longer heal you**_

_**So hate me and never forgive me for engraving eternal pain on you**_

"I love you, Makoto."


End file.
